The Parody From Space
R. Jay Carissimo
Copyright © 2017 R. Jay Carissimo
Publisher: tredition, Hamburg, Germany
ISBN
| Paperback: | 978-3-7323-9097-7 |
| eBook: | 978-3-7323-9099-1 |
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher.
The Parody from Space
By
R. Jay Carissimo
To my Uncle Mickey & my Uncle Raymond; they always told such funny stories.
COSMIC-CALENDAR.2399.04.25.4/30
The tarantulion was not a hideous monster with oily, black hair, spindly legs and a huge head swathed in black mane, bearing fierce fangs; it was simply one of the many new life forms one routinely encounters when in the service of Cosmos-Corps. At least that is what Captain Gene Lucas Seasqrd tried telling Commander Sam Parseck while Commander Parseck hung helplessly in the tarantulion‘s web but for some reason the commander did not see it that way.
“Oh, save me. Won‘t you help me,” Sam Parseck cried out as the gaping jaws of the gigantic tarantulion drew closer towards him.”Seasqrd! HELP!”
I‘m not sanguine about doing harm to an alien life form until its hostility has been confirmed, Sam,” Seasqrd said.
“When it eats me, will its hostility be confirmed?” Parseck asked.
“I see your point.” Seasqrd nodded. “Fear not. You can rely upon my genetically enhanced strength.”
Seasqrd placed his hands about a small boulder. He lifted the rock up over his head and tossed it at the tarantulion. The perfectly aimed shot not only stunned the tarantulion, but tore through the web that had trapped Commander Parseck. The rock fell to the ground and the tarantulion fell on top of it. Sam dropped down from the silky thread he clung to, landing on the belly of the monster and bounced to the ground next to Captain Seasqrd.
“You took some time before doing something!” Parseck said as Seasqrd helped him to his feet.
“You‘re welcome,” Seasqrd replied.
Commander Parseck withdrew his conclusionator, holding the small device in the palm of his left hand while he tapped buttons on its diminutive keyboard with his right. The small v-shaped antenna that sprouted from the top spun about then popped out and fell to the ground. Seasqrd watched with askance and asked, “What conclusions has your conclusionator reached?”
“Nothing!” Parseck said. “It‘s not working.”
“What are you doing?” Seasqrd tugged at Parseck‘s arm as the commander withdrew his plasma-pistol.
“I‘ve reached no conclusions as to whether it‘s alive or dead and I‘m not giving that thing another chance at us,” Parseck said, while taking aim, but the plasma-pistol remained inoperative. He kept squeezing the trigger. “Our gadgets seem useless on this planet.”
Captain Seasqrd was about to rebuke the commander when the tarantulion awoke. After shaking its furry head, it looked up, eyeing the two Earthmen with an angry and ravenous look. Seasqrd did not need a working conclusionator to conclude the creature viewed them as prey.
“What do we do?” Parseck said. “Our machines won‘t
help us!”
“We are not helpless without machines. There is no problem the heart, bone, sinew and soul of a human cannot solve,” Seasqrd said. Then he pointed at the computer portal in the middle of his forehead. “Leave it to me.”
Seasqrd left Commander Parseck staring in wonder as he leapt into action, tearing down what was left of the web. “Sam, grab the other end!” he yelled.
As the tarantulion attempted to charge, it was seized by its own webbing, which Parseck and Seasqrd wrapped about its numerous legs as they circled around and around. Seasqrd took the loose ends and tied them about the rock he had just thrown.
“Seasqrd!” Parseck shouted. “Look out!”
The tarantulion snapped its jaws at nothing but air after Captain Seasqrd dove for safety. Sam Parseck began pelting the fierce beast‘s snout with rocks and stones.
“Good work, Commander Parseck!” Seasqrd knew he had just enough time to run forward and shove the boulder down the side of the hill. Just as the tarantulion was about to close in on Parseck, it was dragged away by the rolling stone. Captain Seasqrd and Commander Parseck crept to the side of the hill, looking downwards and spotted a slow moving lump. The tarantulion slowly pulled itself from the webbing that bound it to the boulder and limped away.
“He‘s had enough,” Seasqrd said. “That was good team work.”
“It would‘ve been a whole lot easier if we could‘ve used this.” Sam Parseck held his plasma-pistol and tapped the side of it repeatedly. “What‘s wrong with this weapon?”
“Sam, put that thing away,” Seasqrd said. “We‘ve come to this planet on a peaceful mission to advise the Animazons if and when the Zlythetaur Empire invades.”
“Well, I would say the peaceful end of this mission ended when the Saturn Seven was shot down,” Parseck said.
“Our spacecraft simply crash landed,” Seasqrd said.
“That‘s impossible.” Parseck raised his hand in objection. “I checked the Saturn Seven from posiprow to silistern before we launched. Something inhibited that ship as we flew to the Animazon city.”
Seasqrd had never worked with Parseck before but he knew his type. “You just can‘t stand it when one of your toys breaks can you?”
“Well, without conclusionators it could take quite some time to look for the Animazons and without our weapons we might fall prey to more creatures that dwell on Zaftig.” Commander Parseck said. “And speaking of plasma-pistols why didn‘t you go for yours when you saw that creature was about to swallow me. What are you squeamish?”
“It wouldn‘t have worked,” Seasqrd said.
“But you didn‘t know that,” Parseck said. “You should have fired on it.”
“No!” Seasqrd shouted. “We‘re in Cosmos-Corps. We only search out new life. We don‘t destroy it.”
“Strange for a man to say that,” said a mysterious voice behind them.
Seasqrd whirled around trying to use his super-sensitive hearing to locate who just spoke. Then he felt a tap on his shoulder.
“We don‘t have to look for the Animazons anymore,” Parseck said while motioning with his thumb.
Stepping cautiously from the forest were three Animazon warriors. The women were very tall, with wide shoulders and narrow waists. Their thick-heeled boots made them appear even taller and more slender. They were clad in black uniforms that covered very little, but even more eye catching than their shapely figures were the tails that sprouted from the bottom of their backs and dangled about touching their calves. They encircled the two Earthmen who offered no resistance, but merely eyed the Animazons from the tips of their leather boots all the way up to the fine, white hair that spread across their shoulders like silky mane.
Though their appearance was both imposing and provocative, Seasqrd found the aspears they pointed to be particularly lethal. The long rods of the weapons were wrapped in reptilian scales. At the tip grew a crescent shape hook. While the lower end of the hook formed a serpent‘s tail that drew into a sharp point, the upper end resembled a viper‘s head. Seasqrd and Parseck stood back to back as the three female warriors surrounded them.
“We mean you no harm,” Seasqrd said.
“You mean you can do us no harm,” said one of the Animazons, “we on the other hand.”
She raised her aspear. Sam Parseck said, “Now, look sister—”
“I am Captain Gene Lucas Seasqrd and this is Commander Sam Parseck. We come to the planet, Zaftig, on a diplomatic mission from Earth on behalf of Cosmos-Corps. We wish to assist and advise just in case you happened to be invaded by the Zlythetaurs.”
“We do not need the advice or the assistance of men,” said the Animazon. Suddenly, the women froze. All three stood silent as if they were locked in deep thought.
Seasqrd nudged Sam Parseck and said, “Look at their chests.”
“I know they are—”
“No,” Seasqrd said as he pointed his finger. “Look at the pendants that hang from their necks over their chests.”
The pendants the Animazons wore looked like small, crystal clumps of leaves. They were silver but soon flashed orange then changed to blue. When the pendants turned silver again the Animazon women unfroze. One of them pointed her aspear at Seasqrd and said, “The clemency that this one showed the tarantulion has intrigued our queen.”
Another Animazon pointed her aspear off towards the distance and said, “Come Earthmen! We‘re taking you to our leader.”
Seasqrd nodded oblingly and marched along with Parseck at his side through the wooded terrain. The forest landscape grew thinner and thinner until it disappeared into a rocky wasteland of stony soil. The sun beat down relentlessly on the two Earthmen. Captain Seasqrd took a small handkerchief from his back pocket, one that bore the symbol of Cosmos-Corps, and draped it over his bald head. After he made sure the portal that went across his forehead was shielded from the sun‘s rays, he began sucking in deep breaths, filling his lungs with air. Seasqrd began reflecting on how this would sound in his Cosmos-Corps Reflection Entry.
Of course like all members of Cosmos-Corps he hated doing reflection entries; they were tedious and time consuming but Cosmos-Corps deemed them necessary. It was just a way for those with very little experience to be able to evaluate those with vast experience; then they could act as if they actually knew more and finally the inexperienced could tell the experienced what to do. Seasqrd recalled reading somewhere once that it all began with the mistreatment of teachers in the early twenty-first century.
Seasqrd thought of what he might say. Cosmos-Corps Reflection Entry: Commander Parseck and myself have been captured by Animazon warriors; no wait let’s try we were being held by Animazon warriors; no that gives the wrong idea. We were led by Animazon warriors across a desert terrain. My genetically enhanced physique has had little trouble coping with the situation but Commander Parseck worries me. Beads of perspiration are covering his round cheeks and flat nose; his once ebony skin seems a bit pale and he’s walking with a limp. No, I can’t use that it makes the poor little guy seem as if he’s withering.
Seasqrd turned back to check on his compatriot; Parseck stumbled over some stones. He was obviously finding it difficult to keep pace with the long-legged Animazons. Seasqrd put his hand under Parseck‘s arm, helping him regain his balance.
“I can‘t keep up this brutal pace,” Parseck moaned.
Seasqrd looked at the sweat that drizzled down from Sam‘s curly hair; his dark eyes seemed glassy. Then he said, “But we‘ve only been at it for five microns.”
“I know but I am used to machines doing all the hard stuff,” Parseck said as he clutched his hands against his narrow torso.
“Come on, Sam,” Seasqrd said as he tried assisting his undersized shipmate along. “Try breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth. You may not have a genetically enhanced pulmonary system like I do, but it should help.”
“I know; I‘m just a man, not a Geneti-Man you don‘t have to remind me.” Commander Parseck pulled away. “And by the way, plasma-pistols have a stun setting!”
“Remember, Commander, it was this Geneti-Man, not a plasma-pistol, that saved you from the tarantulion,” Seasqrd said.
Sam Parseck stopped in his footsteps. He looked up at Gene Lucas Seasqrd; his chin was pointed at Seasqrd‘s brawny chest. Parseck asked, “Do you want me to kiss that portal in your forehead, Seasqrd?”
“No, I don‘t and I‘d wish you‘d pronounce my name right. It‘s not ‘Saysqwad.‘ It‘s ‘Sea squared‘; it‘s like Mediterranean times Mediterranean,” Seasqrd said.
“Sorry, sir; I didn‘t mean to offend your geneticallyenhanced feelings.” Parseck formed a wide, toothy grin across his fatigued face.
Seasqrd looked down at him and said, “You know I am going to put all this in my reflection entry after all.”
Commander Parseck was about to answer when one of the Animazons shoved him. She said, “Move along, man.”
They began marching along. In between panting Sam said, “You Geneti-Men are awfully proud of all those genetically enhanced muscles, reflexes and abilities they programmed into your brains.”
“Well, I wouldn‘t put it like that,” Seasqrd said. He did not bother to look around at Commander Parseck; he just kept walking behind the Animazon in front of them and said, “I‘m proud of the powers the human body has.”
Seasqrd hoped that would be the final word in this conversation but then he heard Sam say, “Well that‘s how I feel about my machines. I‘m proud of the power our technology gives us.”
Seasqrd paused, slowing his step then he turned and raised his finger at Sam and said, “Don‘t be too proud of your technology, Commander, the power of your plasma-pistols, conclusionators and even your mighty cosmicrafts pale in comparison to the power of the heart, bone, sinew and soul of the human body.”
“You don‘t say,” Parseck replied as if he‘d just been insulted.
“I do say and I‘ll tell you something that we Geneti-Men say amongst ourselves regarding genetically enhanced reflexes, stamina and abilities,” Seasqrd stood waiting.
Parseck became impatient and said, “What do you say?”
“We got the power.” Seasqrd poked his thumb at his own chest then waited to see if Sam would have any reply. The commander was just about to answer when he got a less than gentle nudge from one of the Animazons behind them.
“You talk too much, man!” she said.
Sam Parseck stumbled forward then turned and stood defiantly as if he wasn‘t just awaiting confrontation with the Animazons but he welcomed it. Seasqrd had to admire the little man‘s fortitude but he was no match for these women and they very quickly demonstrated that. The Animazon approached; she stood looking down at Sam and while her tail was wagging furiously she pointed her aspear at a stone. The viper‘s head at the tip of the spear opened its jaws and a venomous spray was let loose. Captain Seasqrd and Commander Parseck watched the stone disintegrate under the acidic discharge of the aspear.
“Pretty potent weapon you have,” Seasqrd said.
“Too bad our plasma-pistols aren‘t working,” Sam Parseck said. “You‘d see some real potency.”
“Don‘t start this again, Sam,” Seasqrd said with his hand against his forehead.
Sam was about to continue when the Animazon, leading the path turned and spoke. She said, “Stop complaining about your machines, man. Your mechanical devices will not work under our chlorofield.”
“Chlorofield?” Seasqrd said.
“This will be difficult for a man to comprehend, but all living things give off energy. The females of this world have learned to harness those energies and focus them so as to make them work for us. The chlorofield is a force field surrounding our city. It immobilizes any mechanized technology.”
“That‘s what happened to my Saturn Seven!” Parseck snapped his fingers.
Captain Seasqrd ignored Sam Parseck‘s redemption and asked, “But how are you able to focus these bio-energies?”
The Animazon slowed her pace, turned and held up her flower pendent. “We call it tulipathy,” she said.
“That is how you were able to communicate with your queen,” Seasqrd said.
“Yes,” the Animazon nodded. “It also allows us to communicate with each other, the bio-genetic creations we‘ve bred and all living things on our world.”
The Animazons led the two Earthmen through a small grove of trees.
“The zoological cross-creations of Animazon women are famous back on Earth,” Seasqrd said.
“Yeah, that tarantulion you made was especially fascinating to us,” Commander Parseck said, nodding his head in mock agreement.
“The tarantulion serves a great purpose,” the Animazon replied. “It gets rid of pests.”
“Sam, you‘re making them vexed,” Seasqrd said then he stopped short. “What in the heliosphere is that?”
In a clearing at the bottom of the hill was a magnificent yet weird creature. The beast was tall with great bulk. Its gray skin was leathery and coarse, but its wings were a wide panorama of bright, silky colors. Captain Seasqrd and Commander Parseck stood dumbfounded watching the creature grasp clumps of grass with its trunk and shove them in its mouth.
“What‘s wrong Earthman?” asked the Animazon. “You‘ve never seen a butterphant before?”
“You women are truly geniuses at bio-technology,” Seasqrd said. “You must tell me how—”
Suddenly, the pendants began to flash. After the Animazons unfroze Seasqrd asked, “What is wrong?”
“It‘s our queen,” said the Animazon. “She grows angry.”
“Have we committed a breach of protocol?” Seasqrd put his fingers to his chin.
“No,” said the Animazon. “She wishes me to stop explaining everything otherwise she‘ll have nothing to talk about when you arrive.”
“I see,” Seasqrd said.
“Climb aboard, man!” The Animazon commanded. “Our butterphant is taking us to Photocitysis.”
To Captain Seasqrd‘s surprise, the butterphant flew with great grace for such a mammoth beast. From the height of gliding clouds he viewed the world of the Animazons; it was a land of rolling pastures, verdant forests and crystal streams. Sam Parseck patted Seasqrd‘s arm and pointed in the distance to the city of Photocitysis.
It was a magnificent metropolis that seemed to grow from the ground. Trees of enormous size had grown wooden girders from their gigantic trunks. What seemed to be concrete and tile to Seasqrd‘s first glance was actually some sort of coral growth that fastened itself to the girders forming small buildings and dwellings. Gigantic leaves, woven together with vines as thick as cables, formed roofs and a palisade wall made from thorny canes surrounded the whole city.
“It‘s incredible,” said Seasqrd. “It‘s an entire society free of mechanization; so no devices or doohickeys; no gadgets or gizmos!”
“Don‘t be too enthralled by the Animazons,” Parseck whispered.
“Relax,” Seasqrd whispered back. “I‘m merely admiring their natural attributes.”
“Can‘t say that I blame you.” Sam patted his arm again.
“I meant their bio-technology.”
Atop the tallest tree was a revolving satellite dish that really was not a satellite dish but a huge flower. Its petals formed a circular plate and its center stamen protruded out like an antenna.
“That is your tulipathy,” Seasqrd said, pointing upward.
“Yes,” said one of the Animazons. “Unlike you we can communicate with our environment.”
The butterphant flew ever higher, circling a conical tower that resembled a spiraling redwood. It came in for landing upon a leafy runway. Two of the Animazons pointed their aspears at the Earthmen and led them to a wooden stairwell connected to the tree tower while the third patted the butterphant‘s head and stroked his trunk; she then quickly joined the others. After touching her flower pendent a long, thick vine descended upon them and a huge leaf was unfurled before their feet. The Animazons stepped off the stairwell and onto the leaf and commanded the men to follow. Soon the vine was escalating them upward to a grand entranceway.
The Earthmen stepped off; the Animazon women motioned with scowling faces to march forward. Beyond the entranceway was a grand hall that led to tall, wooden doors that swung open revealing a circular courtroom; the walls of the courtroom seemed to be made of blocks of carved jewels. A long scarlet carpet lay at Seasqrd‘s and Parseck‘s feet and led the way to a dais that rose from the tiled floor. Though Seasqrd was impressed by the grandeur he could not help notice the menace of the strange looking guards before them.
Two large animals stood at opposite ends of the dais. They had the bodies of horses but at the top of their equine forms were the muscular torsos of gorillas. Long black horsehair dropped from their primate heads; their eyes never left the two Earthmen. They stood snorting and staring.
“Beware of the gorillataurs,” said one of the Animazons. “They‘re trained to protect our queen.”
Seasqrd looked at the throne made of bronze branches and emerald leaflets and saw it was empty. “Where is your queen?” he asked.
The Animazons did not reply; there was no need. Seasqrd gazed from the watchful gorillataurs to the back edge of the dais. There was a beautiful head of red hair rising over the edge and upon it was a tiara which seemed made of golden vines. As the woman‘s head rose higher, Seasqrd saw the most beautiful face he‘d ever seen beneath the golden tiara and red hair; her eyes were a glimmering green and her rosy cheeks formed perfect crescents that ended in the most sensuous jaw line.
As the women stepped up further onto the dais, her cape of silver feathers was revealed and beneath the cape was a glossy white tunic that hugged the woman‘s figure tightly. She finally climbed to the top of the dais and the warriors and gorillataurs bowed before their queen. After a not so gentle poke from an aspear, Sam and Seasqrd bowed too. The queen let her tail untwine itself from about her bare thigh as she crossed the dais. She shed her feathered cape, displaying her porcelain like shoulders and draped her garb across her throne. She swung her long hair of red back over her shoulders and looked down at the Earthmen.
Sam Parseck whispered, “She certainly is the queen of Zaftig.”
Seasqrd was happy the Animazon warriors did not hear Sam‘s words but he couldn‘t blame the commander for saying what he said. The queen was incredibly beautiful. Seasqrd finally pried his eyes off of her and said, “We have come from the planet Earth to—”
He stopped when the Animazon behind him batted his shoulder with her aspear and said, “You have not been given permission to speak.”
The queen looked over them, standing like an aristocratic giant and finally said, “You are both men from Earth yet you do not appear to be alike.”
“Yes, this is true,” Seasqrd said. “We are not alike in appearance but that is the way of Earth. On our planet different races have learned to live together in friendship just as our entire species has learned to live in harmony with our environment. It is the mission of Cosmos-Corps… I guess you want to talk some more now.”
Seasqrd bowed his head as the vexed queen replied, “You do not have to lecture the females of this world as how to live in environmental harmony. A thousand of your years ago when the men of your planet were charting sea routes to explore unknown continents the men of our world sailed through space discovering new worlds. They even reached your home world, returning with some of your more exotic species.”
“Yes,” Seasqrd said with a nod. “That explains the resemblance of some of your life-forms to—”
“Silence,” said the queen.
Seasqrd shut his mouth. He looked at Parseck and heard him click his tongue against the back of his teeth with shame. Seasqrd shrugged.
“But it was the women who made the greatest discovery when we found that the machines, motors and engines that our men had made were poisoning this planet.”
Seasqrd cleared his throat; softly at first, then a bit louder the second time, causing the queen to pause. Seasqrd pointed at his own chest and the queen nodded, finally granting permission for him to speak.
“Yes, we too on Earth once faced a similar climate crisis, but we found new technologies and we now have machines that do not pollute the planet,” Seasqrd said.
“We?” the queen said. “What do you mean we found new technologies? You are men and men are evil, capable of nothing but environmental disasters. Our men neither had nor sought any solutions to our climate problems and so the female takeover began. The result is what you see before you; we have a world of organic, not mechanic, technology where we live in harmony with the plant and animal kingdoms.”
“If you don‘t mind me saying so,” Commander Parseck interjected, “it seems like you lovely ladies have a rather prejudiced society. Men and their machines aren‘t all bad. Why back on Earth some of my best friends are men and some are machines.”
“Sam, I think it would be better if I handled this,” Seasqrd said.
“But I have something to say,” Parseck said.
“Please, it‘s my mission.” Seasqrd hoped that would be the end of the discussion. It wasn‘t.
“But they wouldn‘t have sent me along if there was nothing for me to contribute,” Parseck said. “I‘m the one with the talent for technology. Let me speak on behalf of our machines, G-Man.”
Seasqrd noticed the Animazons and their queen exchanging looks of disgust. Seasqrd patted his hand against the air, never looking at Sam, but whispering through the side of his mouth, saying, “I‘m the captain; I‘ll do the talking.”
Sam Parseck spoke in a firm, clear, voice and said, “I‘m a captain as well.”
Seasqrd stared at the queen; he smiled and nodded. He leaned to the side hoping he could end this argument with Sam before it began.
“You‘re a commander.” Seasqrd turned about and looked down. “You‘re not a captain.”
“I‘m captain of the Saturn Seven.” Parseck folded his arms against his blue uniform.
Seasqrd shrugged. He looked at the Animazon queen; she folded her arms and stood waiting impatiently. Seasqrd turned to Parseck again and said, “But we‘re not aboard your ship so you‘re a commander and I‘m a captain.” He then patted the insignia on the sleeves of his burgundy uniform. Sam tilted his head to one side and sneered.
“I have no ship to pilot,” he said, “My devices won‘t work for me, I have no weapons to fire and now you won‘t let me speak my mind. So why was I brought on this mission?”
“To be candid,” Seasqrd said. “I‘ve been asking myself the same thing.”
Parseck paused for a moment, staring up at Seasqrd, and then said, “As long as we are speaking candidly, sir, I‘ve always thought you Geneti-Men to be more arrogance than action. It seems the bigger your genetically enhanced muscles get the bigger your egos get… sir.”
“Well as long as we‘re off the record, Commander,” Gene Lucas Seasqrd said. “You space-men of Cosmos-Corps do not exactly thrill me. Your lack of physical abilities is surpassed only by your dependence on things that flash and hum and never seem to work when we need them the most.”
“It was my machine that got you to this planet!”
Seasqrd nodded his head rapidly and said, “Sure the Saturn Seven did a great job until it crashed.”
“That wasn‘t my fault; it was them!” Parseck pointed at the women. “And don‘t insult my ship.”
Seasqrd pointed down at Parseck‘s nose. “You are addressing a superior, Commander Parseck.”
Sam fixed his eyes on Seasqrd‘s finger which was only a centicam away from his flaring nostril and replied, “And if you are my superior then that makes me an inferior, right G-Man?”
“And they wonder why we frown upon mankind,” said the queen while walking down from the dais and stepping in between them.
Gene Lucas Seasqrd was already mad at Sam Parseck‘s insulting insubordination and mocking grin but when he realized that the little commander was jeopardizing his diplomatic mission to Zaftig Seasqrd became angry; he became very angry.
“I‘ve never failed on a mission,” he got caught in the gaze of the queen‘s beautiful eyes, “but you... I… he.…”
“You better ease up on the way you look at her, sir; if you were a computer I‘d say you‘re in need of a soft boot.” Parseck‘s mocking grin was now an obnoxious scowl and that became too much for Seasqrd.
“I was thinking the same thing about you!” he lifted Sam Parseck up by his collar.
The queen stepped back and the Animazon warriors attempted to pull the Earthmen off of each other, but Seasqrd was mad and proved too strong for their restraint; he pulled the two tall females off their feet and swung them around to the floor. He heard the queen order her gorillataurs to seize him but he didn‘t care; he was too enraged to care, but Sam too was mad.
He yelled, “I‘m not afraid of that chrome-dome!”
With that he jerked away from the Animazon who held his arms with all his might and when that failed he stomped on her boot. As she fell off balance, cursing at Sam, he wrenched free of her hold only to topple into the back of the queen‘s legs, knocking her over onto the steps of the dais. She lay across the steps with her skirt up over her waist and her tiara hanging over her eyebrows.
The Animazon warriors pinned Sam Parseck down with the points of their aspears, staring at him in disdain. The gorillataurs who held Seasqrd by his arms and wrists stood with their jaws agape. The queen lay still across the steps; one of her warriors offered her a hand but she refused the help. She fixed her tunic of white and straightened her tiara of vines so it rested straight on her head.
Then the queen rose to her feet and said, “Earthman you have assaulted the Queen of the Animazons. I sentence you to death.”
Seasqrd suddenly realized what his display of anger had wrought and yelled. “No! It was my fault. I‘m in command of this mission. Punish me!”
“It was he, not you, who assaulted our queen,” said one of the Animazons.
“No, it was my outburst of temper that started this,” Seasqrd said.
“You intrigue me, Earthman,” said the queen. Standing eye to eye with Seasqrd, she placed her hands on his torso, tracing her fingers over the burgundy uniform that covered his bulging pectorals and well-formed arms. She made a circle around the golden sun that was centered in Seasqrd‘s chest, bearing the symbol of Cosmos-Corps then poked her finger into his rock-like abdomen. She said, “I will spare him if you perform a service for me.”
Seasqrd looked about as he felt the tension mounting. The Animazon warriors stood in silent shock. Even the gorillataurs‘ eyes opened wide. Seasqrd looked back at the queen who smiled slyly. He then looked down at Sam; the pathetic little guy looked helpless.
“Don‘t do it, Gene Lucas,” Sam Parseck said, while he stared down the point of an aspear. “It sounds like she has some ulterior motive.”
The queen turned and reached down, grabbing Sam Parseck by his collar and hoisted him to his feet. She turned to Captain Seasqrd and said, “You have two choices. He suffers death by aspear or you perform the ritual of Anjhee-Nah.”
Captain Seasqrd looked at Sam Parseck as he dangled in the queen‘s grip, then back at the grinning Animazons. He tilted his head to the side. “Could I have those choices again?” he asked.
The queen repeated the choices.
“Well, I know what the aspears can do. So I guess I‘ll take performing Anjhee-Nah.” Seasqrd tilted his head to the opposite side. “What is it?”
“Our copulation ceremony,” said the queen. “I must warn you though; few men have survived Anjhee-Nah with Animazon queens.”
While the females wagged their tails in zeal, Seasqrd shrank back, forcing the gorillataurs to pull him forward to his feet again.
“Am I to understand you‘re going to force me to have sex with you?” Seasqrd asked.
The queen nodded. Sam Parseck freed himself from the queen‘s grip and stood in front of his compatriot, shouting, “No! It‘s not fair. I committed the crime. Let me suffer this Anjhee-Nah!”
“Sorry, puny Earthman, it‘s doubtful you‘d survive a kiss on the cheek. It is this one who will perform Anjhee-Nah.” She shoved Parseck aside, took Seasqrd by the wrist and pulled him along.
“Wait!” Seasqrd said. “Can‘t we talk first… get to know each other better.”
She pulled Seasqrd around the dais and down a narrow hallway while he listened to Sam Parseck screaming. “You call this justice? Take me instead. I swear I‘m quite the criminal!”
The royal bedchamber was ornate and beautiful, but Seasqrd was still nervous and apprehensive. At the center of the room a curtain made of white leafed vines rose on the queen‘s command, revealing a large, circular bed. She took Seasqrd in her arms and pulled him onto the fluffy cushions and pillows.
“Let us begin the Anjhee-Nah,” she said as she tossed her golden crown across the room, kicked off her shoes and pulled his burgundy shirt from his body.
“Now hold it!” Seasqrd said. “Wait, I didn‘t mean that.”
“Why are you so nervous?” she asked just before she began kissing his neck.
“Well wouldn‘t you be if you were about to risk your life in a copulation ceremony,” Seasqrd said.
“Oh don‘t worry about what I said before.” The queen wrapped her arms about Seasqrd‘s shoulders; she held him tight. “You‘ll have no problem surving the Anjhee-Nah. I just said that to add some excitement to our ritual.”
“You did what?” Seasqrd took the queen‘s wrist and stood up on the bed. She offered no answer; she seemed too shocked to speak. Seasqrd couldn‘t decide whether she was pleased by his courage or outraged that someone actually dared stand up to her. He didn‘t care either way. Seasqrd stepped off the bed, trying to keep his distance from the Animazon queen. Her long, red mane of hair seemed to glisten in the soft light. Her muscles tensed and her tail shook while her glowing green eyes fixed on Seasqrd.
“You‘re most extraordinary. You may prove to be the sire of an incredible, warrior dynasty,” she said with a smile. “I‘ve got to have you.”
She rushed forward, wrapping her arms about Seasqrd‘s waist and, suddenly, he was up in the air looking down at her cleavage. He tried to get free, but the queen maintained a tight grip, keeping her body pressed tight against his as she turned around and gently dropped them him back on the bed.
As she sat next to him and ran her fingers all about his chest and shoulders, Seasqrd said, “Now see here, your majesty. You can‘t treat a member of Cosmos-Corps this way. I‘m here on a mission to save the planet, Zaftig, from the Zlythetaurs and that‘s all.”
Seasqrd rose to his feet, standing at the edge of the bed. The Animazon Queen remained on the bed; she lifted her foot and her white tunic slid across her leg revealing here knee and thigh. She moved her foot so that it gently slid from his knee up around his waist then back down to his knee. Seasqrd wanted to move away but he didn‘t. The queen asked, “Is that all you have on your mind at this moment.”
After the queen finished her question she moved back just slightly; she lay across the bed running her hand over her knee and around her thigh then back down around the calf of her leg as she awaited an answer.
Seasqrd folded his arms, stuck out his chest and replied, “No of course not I want your planet to join the Earth Alliance. I want you and your Animazons to share their bio-technology with us and I want us to share our environmentally safe mechanics with you. I want you… holy nova do I want you!”
Seasqrd fell across the bed; he lay next to the queen and their arms and legs were intertwined. Seasqrd sat up, shaking his head. He said, “No, no; I don‘t want to do this.”
Seasqrd sat at the edge of the bed with his chin resting in the palms of his hand. The queen slid off the bed; she stood before Seasqrd and asked, “You find me not attractive?”
Seasqrd lifted his head; he slowly looked her up and down and muttered, “Well… the long legs and shapely figure plus the beautiful eyes are certainly stimulating but… uh… well…let‘s just say you‘re not the kind of girl one brings home to mother Earth.”
The queen twisted her hips and drew the palm of her hand right across Seasqrd‘s face. He rolled back across the bed and landed on the floor on the opposite side of the queen. While rubbing his sore cheek, Seasqrd said, “Don‘t take this the wrong way but you‘re just a little aggressive.”
The queen circled around the bed; she stood before him and pointed at the royal bed and said, “How dare you insult me! Get into that bed and Anjhee-Nah me!”
“I‘m sorry that I hurt your feelings.” Seasqrd never got a chance to finish his apology. The queen grabbed his arm and flipped him onto the bed. She stood over him with her heel pointed into his chest.
“I will not spend the rest of my life serving under you!” Seasqrd batted his hand across her leg. The queen stepped back, off balance, and then fell across to the other side of the bed. Seasqrd rolled over to the opposite side of the bed and began placing pillows between him and the queen. He sat on the other side of his fortification and pointed a finger at her. He said, “I‘m a Geneti-Man of Cosmos-Corps. I‘m to be treated with respect.”
“A Geneti-Man is still a man,” the queen said, “and men on this planet do not gain respect until they learn to do as they‘re told.”
Seasqrd piled the pillows higher. He said, “You can‘t order me around.”
The queen stood on the other side of the bed looking at him with frustration then she straightened the wrinkles in her tunic and said, “Alright then I won‘t tell I will ask; I will ask if you‘d like to share a drink with me. We can toast an alliance between your planet and mine.”
“You want to toast what?” Seasqrd said. “Oh, that‘s a wonderful idea.”
He was somewhat surprised but he did not want to let the queen know that. He just assumed he had won her respect with his amazing attributes and by standing up to her. He was probably the first person ever to do that he thought. He watched her walk to other side of the room. She didn‘t really walk; she glided. She pulled a branch that grew from the wall. A door behind her opened and a being limped in, carrying a tray. The queen snapped her fingers and the diminutive being crept over to Seasqrd who took a glass off the tray. As the ratty haired being made his way back around the bed, the queen reached for the other glass upon the tray and pointed at the door.
“Away with you,” she said.
With his tail between his legs the pathetic being slipped away and the door closed behind him.
“What do you call that bio-genetic creation?” Seasqrd asked.
“What creation,” said the queen. “He‘s a man.”
“What?”
“As we Animazon women took control we evolved into the physically elite warriors you find us as today, our men were reduced socially and genetically.”
“You mean they are slaves!”
“I wouldn‘t call my little brother a slave.”
“Your brother?” Seasqrd‘s eyes opened into a wide stare.
“Why don‘t you relax?” the queen circled around the bed. She reached forward to guide Seasqrd‘s glass to his lips and said, “Have a drink and then we can get down to the Anjhee-Nah.”
“No, your majesty; I thought I was getting through to you but we must discuss this further.”
“After our drink,” she said.
As the glass made its way towards his mouth, its vapors floated beneath Seasqrd‘s nostrils and his enhanced sense of smell detected a trap. He slammed the glass against the wall. The queen stepped back in shock.
“You are a manipulative, power-mad bi—”
“No man has ever dared speak to me like that!” She flung her glass against the wall.
“I told you before; I‘m not a just a man,” said Seasqrd, “I‘m a G-Man of the Earth‘s Cosmos-Corps. I will not be petted, fondled, stroked, like I was some prisoner of your love. I‘m a free G-Man.”
“Does this mean no Anjhee-Nah?”
“Anjhee-Nah with you?” Seasqrd scoffed. “Talk about a gross encounter.”
“Do you prefer death?”
“I‘d rather die then have Anjhee-Nah with you!”
“You mean you—”
Lunging forward the queen drove Seasqrd back on the bed, pinning him down. Seasqrd struggled against her, but the queen would not relent.
“Remember, if you don‘t give me Anjhee-Nah, your friend dies.”
Seasqrd felt her moist lips against his neck and her hot breath blew against his ear.
“No,” he muttered. “You are a dictator… you are a tyrant… you… you should keep doing that.”
She kissed him again and again and Seasqrd wrapped his arms about her waist and said, “Oh, alright but it‘s only to spare Sam.”
Then the ground moved.
“Oh, Earthman,” the queen muttered.
“Wait, I haven‘t done anything,” Seasqrd said. “Something crashed on your planet.”
The ground shook again as an explosion was heard. Another explosion followed, knocking the queen and Seasqrd off the bed.
“Come with me,” said the queen.
Seasqrd followed the queen out onto a balcony; she stood before a small tree rooted in a large urn. The tree had a narrow trunk that ran branchless until at the top it split into a cluster of twiggy branches, which formed a sphere. Seasqrd prepared himself for what the plant might do, knowing the fascinating bio-technologic breakthroughs these women had achieved, but in spite of that what he saw astounded him. As the queen placed one hand upon her pendant, she waved her other hand over the orb of branches atop the small tree. The thin branches suddenly sprouted leaves and the leaves grew and opened and spread until the orb of branches became a solid ball. The interwoven leaves changed from green to blue then became clear.
“It‘s starting to resemble what was once called on Earth a light bulb,” Seasqrd said. “What do you call this plant?”
“It‘s a telemetree.” The queen opened her eyes, freed her hand from her pendant and pointed at the glassy bulb atop the narrow tree trunk. “We use them to keep a watchful eye on our environment.”
Within the telemetree appeared an image. Off in the distance hills beyond the walls of Photocitysis they saw what appeared to be two gigantic pods buried deep in the green fields. Another pod flew across the sky, descending down upon the ground like a meteorite and impacted into the surface, driving mounds of ground into heaps.
“Z Asterwaroids! This is the Zlythetaur invasion. You must call your warriors. We must act now,” Seasqrd said.
“Any actions by the Zlythetaurs would be a futile gesture.” She wrapped her arms about Seasqrd‘s arm and kissed his cheek. Her tail wiggled. “Now, I have some other actions for you and me.”
“But you cannot let the Z war machines gain a foothold,” Seasqrd said.
“No machine can penetrate our chlorofield,” the queen said, shaking her head.
“Perhaps the Z have figured out a way around that. They‘re quite resourceful.”
“Alright, alright; sometimes men must be indulged like temperamental children,” said the queen.
She touched her silver leaf pendent and closed her eyes while muttering orders under her breath then she put on her shoes and grabbed her crown. Seasqrd nodded and put on his shirt. They exited the royal bed chamber and walked back out into the throne room. They were surrounded by Animazon warriors and gorillataurs who awaited further orders from the queen. Sam Parseck was seated at the bottom of the dais tied up in vines. Seasqrd lifted him to his feet and tore the vines apart.
Sam stood shaking his hands and said, “Thanks.”
“You‘re coming with me,” Seasqrd said.
“I thought you had to go somewhere with her,” Parseck said.
“We were but now we all have to go together.” Seasqrd patted Sam‘s back. “Ooh sorry.”
As Sam reached up for Seasqrd to help him up off the floor he said “All of us together?”
“Yes, together!” Seasqrd said. “And sorry sometimes I don‘t know my own strength.”
Within moments, Seasqrd found himself riding on a gorillataur against the wind with the Animazon queen at his side; unfortunately there would be no Anjhee-Nah at least for awhile. They all rode at a full gallop until the gorillataurs ascended a high hilltop outside of Photocitysis. Seasqrd turned to see if the others were still right behind. Sam Parseck had been clinging to one of the Animazon‘s tails as she and he came up to the hilltop and now he used her tail to lower himself down from the gorillataur.
“Thanks!” Parseck said. The Animazon warrior nodded with a brief a scowl. Two more warriors rode up on gorillataurs, carrying aspears. Parseck backed off in haste, making his way down from the hilltop where he began examining the Z Asterwaroids.
The Asterwaroids lay dormant in smoldering craters. The only activity was the pulsating hum that emanated from their shriveled shells.
“He complained the whole journey,” said the queen. “Why did we have to bring him?”
“These are the Asterwaroids of the Z. They use them to transport their invasion forces and Sam is more of a tech-expert than I. He should be able to deduce what we‘re up against,” Seasqrd said. He put the palms of his hands at the corners of his mouth and yelled, “Sam! Anything inside?”
Sam held up a finger. “Give me some time, G-Man.”
“Hurry Earther,” added the queen.
“Sorry, your mighty majesty, I know you want to get back to your diplomatic accords, but it‘s hard to reach conclusions without a conclusionator,” Parseck said.
“Try acting on a hunch,” Seasqrd said.
He watched Parseck touch the Asterwaroid, but then draw his hand back quick. After realizing he suffered no burns or other ill effects he placed his hand on the Asterwaroid‘s shell, rubbing it against the crevices and crags.
“There‘s definitely something inside, but my guess is it is non-mechanical,” he shouted back to Seasqrd.
“Of course, they can‘t be machines,” the queen said impatiently. “I did not need him to explain there can be no machines within the chlorofield.”
“But the Z would not land Asterwaroids as a sign of peace. I have a hunch that the Z have come up with some sort of organic war machine especially designed to penetrate your chlorofield,” Seasqrd replied.
“I concur,” Parseck said while ascending the hilltop. “It would be consistent with their past methods of conquest like when they used their Furnacesaurus against the Glacions of the planet, Brurh.”
“Yes, I was there on Hydros when they landed a fleet of Petroleviathans,” Seasqrd said to Sam then he turned to the queen and added, “I had a devil of a time defeating them.”
“I just wish my conclusionator was working. I could tell you exactly what‘s inside,” Parseck said.
Just then, the low hum of the Asterwaroids became louder. It became a throbbing shrill. Sam stepped back with his hands over his ears and said, “But I think we‘re about to find out.”
The Asterwaroids began to crack. Their massive shells slowly splintered. Fissures split their rough-hewn casings until finally they exploded into thousands of shards. The Animazons and the Earthmen turned away, shielding their eyes from fragments while the gorillataurs reared up.
“Sam!” Seasqrd yelled. “Get out of here!”
Sam Parseck yelled back, “I think we should all get out of here!”
“No Sam, you must go!” Seasqrd said as he pointed to an Animazon then pointed at Sam. “I‘ll stay; I got the power.”
As Seasqrd pointed his thumb at his chest Sam yelled, “But wait what about me? I can help; I have power.”