Thanks first and foremost to Rosalind Gill, who has supported the project from its earliest stages. Her dedication as an advisor is nothing short of extraordinary, and I am privileged to benefit from her intellectual generosity and scholarly acumen. As well as being a trusted mentor, she is a dear friend.

Funding for this research was provided by the King’s College London Graduate School. Sara De Benedictis and Simidele Dosekun were steadfast companions in the protracted endeavour that is completing a PhD. I have discussed many of the ideas elaborated in this book with them at length, and both have read and commented on individual chapters at various stages of development. The wider community of gender and cultural studies scholars at King’s sustained and enhanced my work. Thanks to Ana Sofia Elias, Bridget Conor, Christina Scharff, Hannah Hamad, Laura Harvey, Laura Speers, Natalie Wreyford and Toby Bennett.

Diane Negra and Andrea Cornwall were generous examiners, providing insightful commentary on the arguments presented in my thesis and stoking my ambitions for this book with their praise. Diane has an uncanny ability to recommend readings that give definite shape to ideas I am merely grasping at.

Living in London for the past decade has afforded many pleasures, not least of which has been the opportunity to participate in a variety of feminist collectivities. Jo Littler is owed thanks for organising more than her fair share of events, providing a space for discussion and debate that is always illuminating. Meg-John Barker deserves special mention for their work with the Critical Sexology network, a crucial forum for examining contemporary currents in sexual culture and imagining ways to relate otherwise. Pam Alldred, Róisín Ryan-Flood and Sumi Madhok each invited me to discuss my research with their students, whose insightful questions and perceptive observations have sharpened my thinking.

Alison Winch and Jamie Hakim have become valued interlocutors on all things mediated intimacy. I am particularly grateful to Jamie for gamely agreeing to spend three days together in the south of France. The conversations we had while walking around the city and meandering through galleries fortified my resolve as I began drafting the conclusion to this book. Long-distance as well as face-to-face discussions with Frank Karioris, Gareth Terry, Michael Flood and Sam de Boise have renewed my faith in the intellectual and political project of men and masculinity studies.

The Department of Sociology at the University of York has proved an exceptional environment in which to complete this book and also begin a new project. Nik Brown, who I imagine doesn’t much like to think of himself as a line manager, has performed the role with aplomb. Dave Beer has championed my work at every opportunity, offering encouragement as well as intellectual sustenance through his sheer love of ideas. Kasia Narkowicz welcomed me immediately and became a fast friend. Xiaodong Lin has often gone out of his way to brighten my day. Joanna Latimer, Maggie O’Neill, Sarah Nettleton and Victoria Robinson all model the kind of feminist collegiality I aspire to, producing brilliant scholarship while conducting themselves with grace, candour and no small amount of humour. Clare Bielby has made the commute altogether more enjoyable.

The team at Polity have been an absolute pleasure to work with – my thanks to Ellen MacDonald-Kramer, Emma Longstaff, Mary Savigar and Rachel Moore. Thanks also to Caroline Richmond for her meticulous copy-editing.

My mother Janet is a continual inspiration to me, both for her immense personal fortitude and unwavering commitment to fighting injustice on many fronts. I am deeply appreciative of the close relationship we share. My father Michael has contributed to my intellectual development and academic career in innumerable ways, making profound sacrifices so that I would be free of the constraints that patterned his own life. The knowledge that he would support and be proud of me no matter what route I took ensured I could carve my own path. Each of my siblings, in their own way, inspires and motivates my work. I am especially grateful to my eldest sister Kate for the innumerable hours we have spent discussing the vagaries of gender, intimacy and sexuality.

London friends – Anne, Eric, Jon, Isaac, Natasha, Melissa, Sam – have provided welcome respite from work with food, drink, dancing and games. I relish the fact that, while some of you are also academics, this is largely incidental to our relationships. The absence of Farah – who died too young, when she was filled with life – is the cause of unbearable sadness. Occasionally her image flashes up before me, appearing momentarily in the gestures and expressions of a stranger who bears some passing resemblance to her, and my heart bursts for all that was and all that would have been.

It seems impossible to adequately express the love and gratitude I feel for my partner Chris, friend, lover, comrade. The scrawling notes he provided on each and every draft of each and every chapter of this book and the thesis that went before it were both entertaining and insightful, challenging me to nuance my thinking while at the same time affirming my most deeply held convictions. For this, and much more, I am so very grateful to you.

I am forever indebted to all those who participated in this project. I can only hope that this book does justice to the complex realities of your lives and experiences.

This book draws from and expands on material previously published in the following places: ‘The work of seduction: intimacy and subjectivity in the London “seduction community”’, Sociological Research Online 20/4 (2015); ‘The aesthetics of sexual discontent: notes from the London “seduction community”’, in Aesthetic Labour: Beauty Politics in Neoliberalism, ed. Ana Sofia Elias, Rosalind Gill and Christina Scharff, London: Palgrave Macmillan (2016), pp. 333–49; and ‘Homosociality and heterosex: patterns of intimacy and relationality among men in the London “seduction community”’, in Masculinities under Neoliberalism, ed. Andrea Cornwall, Frank G. Karioris and Nancy Lindisfarne, London: Zed Books (2016), pp 261–76.